Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Quirky Quotes for Fantasy NPCs

Okay, this is just for fun, and are mainly intended for quirky or gonzo fantasy RPGs.

"Those who don't wander in the forest, never discover it's wonders." Vokron ~ Soon to be forgotten Sage, who shortly after writing this in his journal, disappeared after wandering in the forest.

"Smashing things fun.  Killing elves fun.  Killing elves by smashing them most fun of all!"
Dranch the Smasher ~ Ork well known for his smashing, especially of elves.

"The King wants a what for breakfast?!?"
Elman, the King's Cook, after learning the King wants a soft boiled dragon's egg for breakfast.

"Cook wants me to go to the market and buy a what?!?!"
Shorty, the King's Cook's Assistant, after learning Elman wants him to go to the food market to buy a dragon's egg.

"They did what?  Arrest them and throw them in the dungeon!  Then execute them!  I need my breakfast!!!"
An irate and eccentric King Viphtry, after learning his cooking staff has fled the castle.

"Wow, this is going to be a busy day!  I've never executed a cook and his assistant on the same day before!"
Delton the Dark ~ Enthusiastic executioner.

"Oops... uh... you see..."
Delton the Dark, and much embarrassed executioner, after learning the King wants to pardon his cooking staff.

"Guys, I didn't think we could afford an inn tonight?  Hey, where's my horse?"
Fredrick the Clueless Bard

"Ouch! That really hurt..."
Swift Fist the Warrior Monk, after trying to demonstrate his version of the Dragon Fist on a stone wall.

"What! A dragon? No, no, no, no, no..."
Resh Dragonsbane, the last words his fellow party members heard him speak before he fled down the dungeon passage; never to be seen again.

"Well, Resh certainly had an ironic last name, and I was only kidding about the dragon..."
Seven Fingered Fred, the Unlucky, but humorous thief.

Well, I hope you enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed writing them.  I have a lot more, but I think I'll save them for another day.


  1. Dranch the Smasher is my type of dude. Zanazaz, do you typically run light-hearted games? I only ask because I know few who take the game in that direction, when it really does lend itself to it.

  2. Dustin, no, not really. All the games I've run have had humorous moments, but I think I might want to try a more of a light hearted "gonzo" game, in the future. It seems like it would be a lot more fun to run than the typically gruff, serious games I used to run.